People who fail to achieve their goals are often crushed by disappointment. That’s why you should allow your goals to evolve with your life circumstances. Update your goals over time as you reassess your shifting priorities and resources.
Psychologists at the University of Michigan found strong evidence that, while goals are important, they can harm us if they are not flexible. Here’s a typical story:
Jimmy proposed to his girlfriend when he was only eighteen, and she accepted. They married a year later. At that time, Jimmy promised he would buy a house for himself and his wife before he turned twenty-four. He worked a series of jobs, none of which paid very well. Jimmy and his wife lived in a modest but comfortable apartment. When the deadline came, and although Jimmy had saved what he could, he had to borrow money from his parents for the down payment, completing the purchase with a mortgage. Jimmy and his wife moved into the new house and celebrated. But the installments were more than he could afford.
He soon took a second job, but that wasn’t enough either. He then added a part-time third job. Jimmy exhausted himself with work. Over time, he began to resent the house and the wife he had promised it to. Instead of living a life that was satisfying and sufficient—saving steadily until one day he could afford a house—Jimmy rushed the process to meet his declared goal. In doing so, he turned a difficult but life-enhancing goal into one that harmed him.
If a person’s goals are not aligned with their abilities, those goals will contribute to disappointment and frustration, increasing the chances of dissatisfaction and lack of contentment.
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