When we reflect on the educational traditions narrated from the Ahl al-Bayt (peace be upon them), we find that they emphasize the importance of befriending one’s children, particularly during adolescence.

It is narrated that Imam al-Sadiq (peace be upon him) said:

“Let your child play for seven years, keep him close to you for seven years, and if he succeeds, well and good; otherwise, he is among those from whom little good can be expected.”

In this noble hadith, the Imam outlines a comprehensive educational approach that identifies the best way to deal with children according to their different stages of development. Early childhood is a stage of play, during which a child has not yet developed the ability to distinguish fully between things. Therefore, the child should be allowed to grow in an environment filled with joy and discovery.

Then, when the child reaches the age of discernment, the stage of discipline and guidance begins, as indicated by the Imam’s words, “Discipline him for seven years.” This means instilling moral and educational values in the child, particularly Islamic values.

As for adolescence, the Imam advises us to remain close to our children, saying, “Keep him close to you for seven years.” In Arabic, the verb alzama conveys the meaning of obliging or requiring someone to do something. When we say alzamah nafsahu, it means making oneself closely attached to another person and remaining constantly by their side.

For example, the expression “He kept the student close to his teacher” means that he made the student a companion of the teacher who regularly learns from him. Similarly, “He kept him confined to his home” means that he made him remain at home without going out.

In the hadith, the phrase “Keep him close to you for seven years” means that you should make yourself closely connected to your child and not separate yourself from him throughout this period.

In other words, during this stage, the relationship should develop into companionship, with the father or mother becoming close to the adolescent as a friend and guide.

The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) also emphasized this educational approach in another hadith, saying:

“Play with your child for seven years, discipline him for seven years, and be his companion for seven years.”

Herein lies the secret to a successful relationship between parents and children. Adolescents need someone who understands them, not someone who merely imposes orders and instructions upon them. Making them feel that their parents are the people closest to them provides psychological security and reduces the influence of the external environment on their behavior.

However, we must understand that friendship is not merely a label; it has different levels. Imam Ali (peace be upon him) classified friends into two categories, saying:

“Brothers are of two kinds: brothers of trust and brothers of friendliness.”

Brothers of friendliness are those with whom we have superficial relationships based on courtesy and passing interests. Brothers of trust, on the other hand, are those to whom we confide our secrets and turn to in times of need.

Therefore, it is not enough for a father or mother to be merely a superficial friend to an adolescent. Rather, parents should strive to become trusted friends who provide their children with a sense of security and emotional support. In this way, parents become their children’s first point of reference instead of allowing them to seek such support in other circles that may not be safe.

This profound educational concept presented by the Ahl al-Bayt (peace be upon them) is consistent with the findings of modern educational studies, which emphasize that the best way to deal with adolescents is to befriend them and share their interests rather than treating them with rigid authority that leads to rebellion or alienation.

The more a relationship is built on trust and mutual respect, the greater the influence parents have on their children and the more capable they become of guiding them toward what is right.

A question may arise: Why is friendship emphasized so strongly?

The answer is that the bond of friendship can exert a greater influence than other relationships. Its influence may surpass that of motherhood, exceed that of fatherhood, and reach deeper than the bonds of brotherhood and kinship.

Therefore, parents should not be surprised when they see their children being influenced more by their friends than by themselves. Friendship is not merely a passing relationship; it is a spiritual unity that transcends the physical body. As the Commander of the Faithful, Imam Ali (peace be upon him), is reported to have said:

“Friends are one soul in separate bodies.”

Strong friendships influence human behavior and shape personality, leaving a profound mark on a person’s thoughts and actions. For this reason, religious texts emphasize the importance of choosing righteous friends, given the essential role friendship plays in directing a person toward righteousness or deviation.

The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him and his family) is reported to have said:

“One of the best fortunes a person can have is a righteous companion. Associate with good people, and you will become one of them.”

Imam Ali (peace be upon him) is also reported to have said:

“Companionship with the righteous brings goodness, just as the wind carries a pleasant fragrance when it passes over something fragrant.”

We often hear fathers and mothers complain that their children’s behavior changes after they become friends with unrighteous companions. A child may change from obedience to disobedience, from commitment to negligence, and from performing prayers to abandoning them.

Conversely, we may find a young person who grew up in an environment lacking religious commitment but became friends with a righteous companion. Before long, the young person may be influenced by that friend and become more committed and upright.

Therefore, the ideal solution is not merely to warn children against bad companions. Rather, it is to build a strong friendship with them so that they are influenced more by their righteous parents than by others.

Friendship is not limited to relationships with strangers, such as classmates or coworkers. It can also emerge from the closest human relationships. A true friend may be one’s father, mother, brother, or sister. When the bond of kinship is infused with the spirit of friendship, the highest meanings of affection and harmony become evident, transforming family relationships into spaces of trust and emotional support.

A wise man was once asked, “Whom do you love more, your brother or your friend?”

He replied, “I love my brother only when he is also my friend.”

A mother might say bitterly:

“I treat my son like a friend, yet I see him being led astray by bad companions instead of being influenced by me! I am careful to adhere to religious teachings. I perform my prayers on time, do not listen to songs, honor my parents, and observe the Islamic hijab and chastity. Nevertheless, my son and daughter behave in complete opposition to me! They do not care about prayer, immerse themselves in listening to songs, fail to honor me, and my daughter dresses immodestly. It is as though my friendship with them has achieved nothing!”

However, upon examining the relationship more closely, it becomes clear that this is not genuine friendship. Instead, it is a relationship based on strict commands, with no room for dialogue or mutual understanding.

Some adolescents even compare the orders they receive from their parents to the commands a soldier receives from his commander in a military training camp. The reason is that the mother has failed to balance firmness with affection in her dealings with her children. She continues to issue strict orders without allowing space for dialogue, tends to become emotional and raise her voice, and may resort to scolding, believing that this approach will make her children more obedient.

Here lies the fundamental mistake: friendship cannot be built through coercion, nor can it flourish in an environment dominated by authoritarianism and emotional outbursts.

Imagine that your closest friend shouted at you or insulted you. Would you feel closer to her or become alienated from her? Would you remain attached to her or look for someone more understanding? The same applies to your child. If you want your child to be close to you as a friend, treat him as you would like your friend to treat you—with love and respect, not with harsh commands and severe emotional reactions.

When a child finds a genuine friend in one or both parents—someone who listens to him, understands his feelings, and shares his interests—he will feel safe and reassured and will not need to seek alternatives outside the family.

Therefore, upbringing cannot be complete unless parents successfully balance their role as guides with their role as close friends. This transforms the relationship from one based merely on commands and prohibitions into a bond founded on love, respect, and profound influence.

Thus, the fundamental problem is that many parents and educators do not understand what it takes to build a genuine friendship with their children, nor do they know the rights and responsibilities that must be observed to preserve a relationship based on trust and respect.

For this reason, we will examine these important foundations in detail in the following section, addressing the essential principles that make friendship between parents and children a strong bond that enriches family relationships rather than remaining an empty slogan with no practical impact.